I left my umbrella in the stand in the lobby. It's red canopy is lying at the bottom of the metal rack waiting, waiting for someone to notice it and maybe even take it home.
Maybe I'm still waiting there too, knowing the end is coming so soon and unable to stop time. He's walking away, and as I reach out to stop him, I realize I shouldn't and pull my hand away. I look at my fingers as they fall to my side.
I'm going through it, but I know I've got to keep going - Heal by Tom Odell.
I knew it from the moment he sat across from me at the table. Under his baseball cap, his eyes peered out inquisitively and thoughtful. His white teeth intensified by his coppery, sienna-colored skin. I wanted to know him. I wanted to touch his face. Was I staring? I have a tendency of doing that when I'm enamored with something or someone.
As the days passed, the absurdity of it was enough to dampen the swell, but only for a moment because the choices we make all have consequences, large and small. Did he linger when I walked in or was it my imagination? Thrown in his periphery again, how bold will I be? Should I be? Is he just being kind? Am I only a potential client, being wooed, being vetted?
So many questions. Too many questions. Was I projecting or was it a two-way street? Yet, giving words to something has long-term consequences and for him, I wouldn't allow it. Be damned the impact on me. I'd already crossed the street; there was no going back.
Then, do you dance? No, but I will for you.
On the walk home, there's silence. All the things left unsaid, hanging like old spiderwebs in the night. And as he exits the elevator, does he look back? I can't remember, and it's killing me.
When you're listening to everyone else, who listens to you? Who do you tell your secrets to? He never let me close enough to ever really know. Go to sleep.
On the flight home, I can't write it all down quickly enough. It's pouring out of me like the tears falling down my face. I need to capture it all, but, "You can't take a picture of this; it's already gone." Plus, he could literally be my child.
