Reflections In the Mirror

This is going to sound altogether fairly conceited, but nevertheless, I spend quite a bit of time in front of the mirror. I always have. In high school, getting ready for football games, it was not unheard of for me to spend 2-3 hours curling my hair, putting on makeup, and choosing the perfect outfit to watch a bunch of sweaty boys throw a ball around and tackle one another!

Many moons later, and relatively little has changed. Preparing for nights out on the town takes a LOT of preparation, you know!

The thoughts that go through my head while I'm going through this crazy routine are also very, well, crazy, and it involves quite a bit of reflection. In some ways, there has been some movement on determining my intentions with Lizard. The problem inevitably is that I am not sure we have the same intentions for one another. There are moments of great tenderness and care, but the interim periods are completely without communication, indicating the very opposite. I feel that I have been clear with my expectations, and yet, he has not delivered...and it makes me sad.

Keeping in mind my resolution for the year of finding a boyfriend, I just can't say we are on the same page and where does that leave me exactly? We are supposed to see each other tonight, and I am at a divine loss as to handle it. A large part of me wants to approach him again, but I also know that acting nonchalant is probably a better course of action. So what do I do?! Do I try for more, for what I truly want, or do I settle for what I have? For those moments we share together are truly incredibly nice.

A blogger I follow recently posted an entry entitled reflecting. In this post, she is pondering the current state of a new relationship: "For me, I've never trusted that someone could be frustrated or unhappy with me and still want to be with me, or still like, or love me." Furthermore, "if things don't work out, if this is all it takes for things to fall apart, then I suppose it really wasn't meant to be. And while that will suck, I will be ok. In the end."

The problem is that my head knows this but my heart is always light years behind....

Today, you are indeed a lucky duckling as you get THREE songs: Majesty and Glory was the "theme song" of my high school choral department. I can still sing every word of this song just as if I were still wearing my curly bangs and glasses. Decided to find a pretty version of it on youtube today and it made me Cry by Faith Hill to think how awesome this world and this life truly are. And despite wishing my Caribbean boyfriend had cried just a little to show me that he really had cared, I am still so grateful for him having "brought out the best of me, a part of me I'd never seen," which brings me to All I Want by Kodaline. "If you loved me, why'd you leave me?"