Update: Flying Away or Standing Still?

This is an update to my posts from July 14th and July 4th.

I finally heard from my Caribbean boyfriend. I can't explain how I felt when I read that message - to know that he was safe. He was apologetic for not having any way to get in contact with me and very sad that I did not come. I explained that there was no way for me to know where to go, without having finalized details. Of course, he understood, and I know that our relationship is as solid as it ever was, no matter how much or how little we talk. That's just how we are.

As I was explaining to the man who looks right on paper, someone who has actually become somewhat of a friend after all, our relationship lies in our secrets. Women base the depth of their relationships often on the secrets that are shared. How much have I told him about me, about who I really am? And what has he chosen to share with me? Because, after all, we all have secrets, and some we share, and some we don't. Beyond that, there's no replacement for being able to be exactly who I am when I am with him, so I forgive him for his lack of communication. It's that easy when you love someone, someone who really sees you.

As for Superman, despite requesting him to stop contacting me, he has promised twice to see me and then fails to follow through. Mr. Looks Right on Paper always says the obvious, the often hard to hear - do not answer, do not respond to his contacts. Sounds so easy, so simple, doesn't it? Then why isn't it?

And the *sshole has shown his true colors, as they always do, and has stopped contacting me, despite enjoying my company, my humor, and my coolness. LOL I'm never enough. I just wish I could figure out why. Perhaps there really is only one man who finds me to be more than enough, but he lives a thousand miles away...so I continue to stand still here at home while flying away somewhere remote in my mind.

My last update - my very dear friend finally made the journey north to his new home. His leaving, however, was overshadowed by a night of revelations. Sometimes relationships, friendships or otherwise, or as fleeting as the wind. And despite all things to the contrary, no matter what I do, no matter the heart in my intentions, some things, many things, are completely beyond my control. And therein lies the tremendous difficulty for me...