Letters

This will come as no surprise to you, but I have sent a few letters to the editor, letters to the mayor, etc. in my time. Somewhat surprisingly, though, may be the fact that I have not sent as many as you may think. I often draft what I would like to say but don't actually send to the intended recipient(s). Something about therapeutic writing perhaps? Nonetheless, the ones that I do send may indicate a heightened sense of passion or concern about the transgression that has transpired. Or perhaps I simply felt like pressing the send button today.

Update: Purpose Unleashed

A recent blog about finding my purpose, and lo and behold, this article comes across my email. So, not only is there some mumbo jumbo about the importance of finding your life's purpose, there's apparently some scientific research validating the theory as well! How about those marbles?

Convergence of Cluster-F*cks

Do you ever have those days where you feel everything is a cluster-f*ck? That was my morning, now morphing into my day. Seriously, it was a convergence of cluster-f*cks.

Moments of Clarity

Oh, I miss him. I like really, really miss him. I miss him being home when I get home or coming in while I'm cooking dinner. I especially miss him when I wake up in the morning and the brutal truth slaps me in the face and then for kicks, punches me in the stomach, too. It's like, what I imagine anyway, drowning in an ocean to be like, where even though you're a decent swimmer, the waves are just too big and too mighty to continue fighting.

The break up.

But still, there are a few moments of clarity. Those fleeting moments where I know our differences are too much. Our personalities and interests in stark contrast; our desires opposite ends of the spectrum.

A once extremely close friend, now twice removed, commented to me that perhaps we were never meant to have a "forever life" together. And though it hurts so much now, I know that maybe she's right and I've always sort of known that we had an expiration date.

But, still, I miss him.

The Nice Guy

Breaking up with The Nice Guy is absolutely the hardest thing to do, especially if you're not wanting the break up in the first place, when you genuinely enjoy your time together, when you appreciate him for all of his niceties and then some.

But...

I messed up, and breaking up is the inevitability. I did something I can't take back even if I wanted to (which I don't because as much as it hurts us both, it's the truth). It just wasn't supposed to happen, not yet, and not like this.

I'm not perfect, but I wish he would try to understand why I said what I said, why I did what I did. But all he can see is the hurt and the pain and in his mind even, the hypocrisy and lies. It doesn't matter what I see; that's what he sees, and I can't take it back. And, to tell you the truth, I don't blame him. I just hope one day he can forgive me and know that I do love him, present tense.

Hurting the nice guy is really not cool. I should know.

Update: Shallow Secrets

Sometimes secrets aren't meant to be kept, whether intentionally or otherwise. Sometimes they're simply too big, too powerful, to be kept inside. The problem is that these are often secrets that have a lot of hurt in them, as well, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. But one thing I've learned, if I've learned anything at all, is that you can't change feelings. It's like trying to change the march of time - impossible.

Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

Kissing Whore

In my day, I was just that. A kissing whore. A highly-inclined, attention-seeking kissing whore. And I loved it.

Yesterday, Boricua posted on his facebook that a woman who kisses random men could never be a great woman. Who am I if not to challenge such a ridiculous accusation? He continues by saying that a woman who does that not only doesn't respect herself but shouldn't expect men to respect her.

Remember, this is the same man who tells me I am "more than enough...second to no one, and that [I] can go as far as [I] dream." How do I reconcile that interpretation of me with one where he also tells me, perhaps not directly but nonetheless, that I do not respect myself? How does kissing a man, a stranger or otherwise, indicate in any way that I do not have respect for myself nor believe a man should?

The bottom line. He doesn't know me. And he doesn't deserve to.

Adventure #41: Travel Tribulations

One thing I've learned in my travels is that things do not always go as planned. Who knew?! I mean, I set the itinerary, what could go wrong? LOL

The first potential snafu is flippant or obstinate weather. You can't predict the weather, of course, and you especially can't turn the tide, so to speak. And, as my mom says, "you are seeing the beautiful world as God created." So instead of  a diving trip, I enjoyed an inland excursion that was just as wonderful and spectacular. I also got the unbelievable experience of watching a hurricane come ashore. Stunning!

The second possible trip piranhas are airlines. Miss one flight long enough and you miss your connection. Miss that flight altogether and you're booked on another and re-booked on yet another. Sigh. Make it to the country of your destination and the Customs line is so slow and long, you miss your domestic connection. Seriously, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

But...that's traveling, and I love it.

Adventure #40: Bucket List Item #1

What is the #1 thing on your bucket list? What is the one thing at the top of your list that would be the pinnacle of bucket list items? What one thing could make you smile and cry simultaneously?

Well (and for anonymity purposes, I've chosen to keep my #1 bucket list item under wraps), I just checked off my #1 bucket list item. And, yes, I cried and laughed at the same time...and it was wonderful.

Life of Purpose

I've been thinking a lot lately - me, thinking? nah! Seriously, though, it's about all this life purpose BS. I recently returned from an extraordinary trip down under, where I had some time to reflect, truly reflect on who I am and what I want. Although I didn't discover the purpose of the universe while overlooking the deep, the trip was full of adventure firsts - posts to come! - as well as a few travel tribulations - more posts to come!

However, this particular pondering is once again related to my lack of a desire to have little bambinos. I've previously written about this topic, as you very well know: see here and here. While doing some research on this topic (aka googling), I discovered an article that I found to be so relative to conversations I myself have experienced with others.

#1 - "You'll change your mind when you get older." This is the funniest one to me because actually the opposite has occurred.

#2 - "You must hate kids." Yep, you got me. Never mind that some of my most joyous times, including my recent 12-day trip, have been spent with a 3-year-old.

#3 - "You're just selfish." This one just so happens to be true. When considering my bucket list of places to travel, hands down I'd rather spend $250,000 on hiking the Inca trail, touring a dormant volcano in Iceland, and boating around Bangkok.

#4 - "You'll have an oops one day." Um, it's 2015 - there's an app for that.

#5 - "So, what's your purpose?" Truth be told, I'm still trying to figure this one out. But, if you ask me, if being a parent is the ONLY purpose of your life, well, that makes me a little sad for you (rather than the other way around).

#6 - "Who'll take care of you when you're old?" This one just plain makes me sick.

And in case you need some help in finding your purpose, see graphic below. Notice that there's nothing mentioned regarding being a parent.