Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Adventure #46: Holiday Shenanigans
There's nothing like a holiday festival to get me in the Christmas (or insert your holiday of choice) spirit. Carolers, decorations, and revelry are the the key to rectifying a scrooge-ish attitude. And that's precisely what I did with the Lizard this weekend. We enjoyed a local town's annual holiday celebration and came back better for it.
Tidal Wave
It's a tidal wave - all-encompassing and all-consuming. A raging fire of turmoil and angst. A hurricane of epic proportions. Yet, it's all we have. This brewing sea of contempt and hate. Fighting it is agonizingly slow and perpetually discouraging. For every step forward, two steps back. But we must. We must march on. It's our single most important purpose in this life.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Friday, November 13, 2015
"Free" Speech and Leadership
I have been completely baffled and befuddled over some of the recent news headlines. Two seemingly incongruous items that I will miraculously tie together into a pretty bow for you.
1. Halloween. For the past three years, I have chosen a fictional character for my Halloween costume. This year, I made a different choice - an individual who actually lived and breathed, not a figment of someone's imagination or creative embellishment. She was also of a different race than I.
Does that somehow make it inappropriate for me to assume her likeness? It appears that many would believe so. Why? Am I not honoring her and educating others about who she was and the contributions she made by appearing as her? Is it really demeaning to dress in the style of someone from a "culture" other than my own?
2. CEO Resignations. CEOs resign all the time, for a myriad of reasons. The Chief Executive Officer is always on the chopping block. Everything s/he says, everything s/he does, is always scrutinized and judged heavily. S/he is truly the face and ultimate target of the organization in which s/he leads.
Employees have a right to protest. They have a right to demand changes to better their rates of pay and benefits, their work conditions, their lives. But where do we draw the line? Is it true leadership to step down because you are being called to do so, either by your constituencies and/or those whom you serve? Perhaps it is. Perhaps it's not.
So, what of an executive leader who resigns due to insufficient evidence of attempting to create a culture of tolerance in the workplace? What is the responsibility of a leader at that level to eradicate bigotry, and quite practically, how do you change generations upon generations of inbred hostility toward others different from your own kind?
At what precise point in time does "free" speech become hateful? And what is the appropriate way to address that? "Practicing free speech does not merely entail the right to protest opinions you object to -- it also means acknowledging people's right to hold opinions in the first place."
Instead of lashing out angrily on social media, how about taking a moment to educate someone else? Instead of being so quick to judge a comment as racist or insensitive, how about redirecting the focus away from the anger and toward the often underlining reason for a hateful comment or insensitive gesture? Educate the intolerant. Be specific about why a particular statement is offensive. Often times, statements and actions regarded as racially or culturally insensitive come from a place of ignorance or simply laziness, not an evil heart.
My final question: Is "free" speech ever simply that? I would beg to differ. It always costs someone something.
1. Halloween. For the past three years, I have chosen a fictional character for my Halloween costume. This year, I made a different choice - an individual who actually lived and breathed, not a figment of someone's imagination or creative embellishment. She was also of a different race than I.
Does that somehow make it inappropriate for me to assume her likeness? It appears that many would believe so. Why? Am I not honoring her and educating others about who she was and the contributions she made by appearing as her? Is it really demeaning to dress in the style of someone from a "culture" other than my own?
2. CEO Resignations. CEOs resign all the time, for a myriad of reasons. The Chief Executive Officer is always on the chopping block. Everything s/he says, everything s/he does, is always scrutinized and judged heavily. S/he is truly the face and ultimate target of the organization in which s/he leads.
Employees have a right to protest. They have a right to demand changes to better their rates of pay and benefits, their work conditions, their lives. But where do we draw the line? Is it true leadership to step down because you are being called to do so, either by your constituencies and/or those whom you serve? Perhaps it is. Perhaps it's not.
So, what of an executive leader who resigns due to insufficient evidence of attempting to create a culture of tolerance in the workplace? What is the responsibility of a leader at that level to eradicate bigotry, and quite practically, how do you change generations upon generations of inbred hostility toward others different from your own kind?
At what precise point in time does "free" speech become hateful? And what is the appropriate way to address that? "Practicing free speech does not merely entail the right to protest opinions you object to -- it also means acknowledging people's right to hold opinions in the first place."
Instead of lashing out angrily on social media, how about taking a moment to educate someone else? Instead of being so quick to judge a comment as racist or insensitive, how about redirecting the focus away from the anger and toward the often underlining reason for a hateful comment or insensitive gesture? Educate the intolerant. Be specific about why a particular statement is offensive. Often times, statements and actions regarded as racially or culturally insensitive come from a place of ignorance or simply laziness, not an evil heart.
My final question: Is "free" speech ever simply that? I would beg to differ. It always costs someone something.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
TLOML
My ex and I had a nickname for each other. TLOML. The love of my life.
I just read an article today about one woman's TLOML and why she was glad she didn't wind up with him. Ironically, my story is the opposite. My ex was actually the second TLOML in the author's scenario. I was still looking for the first, so I let him go.
There's something about the intensity of the passion, the fire and ice, that I am simply drawn to. I've always felt that I live at opposite ends of the spectrum, rather than in-between where the seas are calmer.
It's only because of the night that I can appreciate the day and only in the storm that I can see the lighthouse.
Touch by Daughter
I just read an article today about one woman's TLOML and why she was glad she didn't wind up with him. Ironically, my story is the opposite. My ex was actually the second TLOML in the author's scenario. I was still looking for the first, so I let him go.
There's something about the intensity of the passion, the fire and ice, that I am simply drawn to. I've always felt that I live at opposite ends of the spectrum, rather than in-between where the seas are calmer.
It's only because of the night that I can appreciate the day and only in the storm that I can see the lighthouse.
Touch by Daughter
Monday, October 12, 2015
The Hardest-est Part
I have been avoiding this post almost like the plague, but I'm overly-emotional and highly sensitive in this moment.
My Caribbean boyfriend is gone. I have not heard from him in six months. I ask myself almost daily if I am ready to let him go, because a part of me wants so desperately for him to be just that - gone. But the other part knows he can never be truly gone from me. He's my soul's compass after all, my beacon in the storm. Yet he is gone.
"The thing that most of us really want from love: to be known, to be seen, to be understood." If I saw him today, I would say to him that just because he knew me in a way no one ever had before doesn't mean he loved me enough for "falling in love is not the same as staying in love." And I could not make him stay...that was his choice.
"Falling in Love is the easy part." The hardest part comes later, much later. But "what I have...is the chance to make the choice to love someone, and the hope that he will choose to love me back, and it is terrifying, but that's the deal with love."
Yet, that's still not the hardest-est part. The last communication I received from him was a message for which I was not prepared. So stupid of me. What did I expect? What do I care? It was all an illusion anyway. But, damn, it was a good one, a great one.
Yes, he's a father.
Stay by Rihanna
My Caribbean boyfriend is gone. I have not heard from him in six months. I ask myself almost daily if I am ready to let him go, because a part of me wants so desperately for him to be just that - gone. But the other part knows he can never be truly gone from me. He's my soul's compass after all, my beacon in the storm. Yet he is gone.
"The thing that most of us really want from love: to be known, to be seen, to be understood." If I saw him today, I would say to him that just because he knew me in a way no one ever had before doesn't mean he loved me enough for "falling in love is not the same as staying in love." And I could not make him stay...that was his choice.
"Falling in Love is the easy part." The hardest part comes later, much later. But "what I have...is the chance to make the choice to love someone, and the hope that he will choose to love me back, and it is terrifying, but that's the deal with love."
Yet, that's still not the hardest-est part. The last communication I received from him was a message for which I was not prepared. So stupid of me. What did I expect? What do I care? It was all an illusion anyway. But, damn, it was a good one, a great one.
Yes, he's a father.
Stay by Rihanna
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
Thirteen Years
Several years ago, I introduced to you a very important person in my life. This man, whom we shall call Luciano (again for purposes of anonymity), turned my world upside down. He was everything I wasn't. He believed everything I didn't. Yet I loved him...intensely.
Which brings me to present day. Luciano has re-emerged into my life in the most profound way. Now I take full responsibility for this chain of events as it all began with a measly little message I sent some months back. Then life happened and tragedy occurred, and it seemed this would bond us in a way unimaginable previously.
And I could not be more grateful for the renewed connection. We have our own lives, our own loves, but we still make perfect sense out of chaos.
Lizard is and has been for quite some time now my diet coke, and Luciano will always be my best, most expensive malbec.
In honor of this development: New York by Snow Patrol
Which brings me to present day. Luciano has re-emerged into my life in the most profound way. Now I take full responsibility for this chain of events as it all began with a measly little message I sent some months back. Then life happened and tragedy occurred, and it seemed this would bond us in a way unimaginable previously.
And I could not be more grateful for the renewed connection. We have our own lives, our own loves, but we still make perfect sense out of chaos.
Lizard is and has been for quite some time now my diet coke, and Luciano will always be my best, most expensive malbec.
In honor of this development: New York by Snow Patrol
Trump-idiocy
Donald Trump is an idiot. He is the very epitome of a hate-monger. Not that I do often, but I will NOT mince words on this post.
Though I should not be, I am appalled at the support this misogynist, racist pig has garnered over the preceding weeks. If you have any positive feeling toward Trump as a presidential candidate, or even as a human being, you need to seriously question your intrinsic beliefs regarding race and racial relations in this country. His rhetoric is nothing if not laden with contempt for anyone or anything unlike himself.
I have many friends with different political views from my own. Ok maybe not many close friends, but still. Although we don't see eye to eye on various issues, I can respect their viewpoints on most occasions. However, that would change if I discovered one of them supported this "man." More importantly, I would strongly question my ability to continue a friendship with someone who is helping to perpetuate this atrocity.
Though I should not be, I am appalled at the support this misogynist, racist pig has garnered over the preceding weeks. If you have any positive feeling toward Trump as a presidential candidate, or even as a human being, you need to seriously question your intrinsic beliefs regarding race and racial relations in this country. His rhetoric is nothing if not laden with contempt for anyone or anything unlike himself.
I have many friends with different political views from my own. Ok maybe not many close friends, but still. Although we don't see eye to eye on various issues, I can respect their viewpoints on most occasions. However, that would change if I discovered one of them supported this "man." More importantly, I would strongly question my ability to continue a friendship with someone who is helping to perpetuate this atrocity.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Signals, Signs, and Signatures
Let's talk about signals for a moment. Signals, by definition, alert one of important information, instructions, or even potential danger. So, why is it precisely that those driving in vehicles ahead of me fail to grasp the importance of using their signal prior to and whilst making a turn? I loathe these lazy individuals.
I spoke of a rainbow the day before I last left my Caribbean island. With my entire being, I wanted that rainbow to be a sign of something great in store for us. Fast forward to today, and it is just shy of three years since I last laid eyes on my Caribbean boyfriend, and over four months since we last communicated. And I miss him...everyday. Perhaps the rainbow was indeed a sign, but not the one I had wanted so vehemently. That's the trouble with signs. They're left up to interpretation.
And, finally, signatures. My mom's employer recently implemented a mandatory standard email signature for all employees, including the closing line. The choices: Regards, Best Regards, or With Care. Given that the first two instill visions of British aristocrats, my mom went with the third option, one that makes me think of a hospital. Perhaps that's perfect since her employer is indeed a hospital.
I spoke of a rainbow the day before I last left my Caribbean island. With my entire being, I wanted that rainbow to be a sign of something great in store for us. Fast forward to today, and it is just shy of three years since I last laid eyes on my Caribbean boyfriend, and over four months since we last communicated. And I miss him...everyday. Perhaps the rainbow was indeed a sign, but not the one I had wanted so vehemently. That's the trouble with signs. They're left up to interpretation.
And, finally, signatures. My mom's employer recently implemented a mandatory standard email signature for all employees, including the closing line. The choices: Regards, Best Regards, or With Care. Given that the first two instill visions of British aristocrats, my mom went with the third option, one that makes me think of a hospital. Perhaps that's perfect since her employer is indeed a hospital.
Friday, August 28, 2015
Televised Hypocrisy
This is going to be a rant about a sensationalized news story, so if that's not your thing, please read one of my other posts of less than newsworthy material.
The Duggars. My favorite television family to hate, after perhaps the Robertsons of Duck Dynasty. Alas, I digress. The Duggars. I want NO children; they want ALL children. I enjoy sex for the sake of having it. They have intercourse simply for the sake of procreation. I am a proud supporter of equal rights for all, including marriage equality. They are proud supporters of themselves alone, proselytizing their bizarre cult-ish behaviors and attitudes, while simultaneously judging the personal choices of those unlike themselves. Disgusting.
Fast forward to today. Let's not engage in lengthy conversation regarding Josh Duggar, eldest son of the krazy klan and harbinger of all things disgusting, who not only admitted to engaging in inappropriate sexual relations with his SISTERS, but also cheated on his wife in a very public forum. Let's instead focus our energy on Anna Duggar. The uneducated, inexperienced wife who knows nothing of wordly notions. She's a victim because she had no education to be otherwise. She's a victim because instead of her parents teaching her about the real-world, they placed her into a fantasy with a very un-storybook ending. She's a victim because instead of utilizing her God-given talents to be whatever she dreamed, she was taught to be subservient, to be at the beck and call of a man, with her legs up in the air just waiting for their next child to pop out.
How's that for America's favorite television family? Is that REALLY what we want to teach our children, should teach our children? Hell no! We're better than this hypocrisy.
Lessons Learned:
1. Hold your children so close that you squeeze them from natural sexual promiscuity and you raise a predator lying in the grass waiting to bite anything that passes by.
2. Encourage your daughters to be obedient to their masters, and they'll get the sordid fantasy of their dreams.
3. Get laid, people. It'll take the edge off.
The Duggars. My favorite television family to hate, after perhaps the Robertsons of Duck Dynasty. Alas, I digress. The Duggars. I want NO children; they want ALL children. I enjoy sex for the sake of having it. They have intercourse simply for the sake of procreation. I am a proud supporter of equal rights for all, including marriage equality. They are proud supporters of themselves alone, proselytizing their bizarre cult-ish behaviors and attitudes, while simultaneously judging the personal choices of those unlike themselves. Disgusting.
Fast forward to today. Let's not engage in lengthy conversation regarding Josh Duggar, eldest son of the krazy klan and harbinger of all things disgusting, who not only admitted to engaging in inappropriate sexual relations with his SISTERS, but also cheated on his wife in a very public forum. Let's instead focus our energy on Anna Duggar. The uneducated, inexperienced wife who knows nothing of wordly notions. She's a victim because she had no education to be otherwise. She's a victim because instead of her parents teaching her about the real-world, they placed her into a fantasy with a very un-storybook ending. She's a victim because instead of utilizing her God-given talents to be whatever she dreamed, she was taught to be subservient, to be at the beck and call of a man, with her legs up in the air just waiting for their next child to pop out.
How's that for America's favorite television family? Is that REALLY what we want to teach our children, should teach our children? Hell no! We're better than this hypocrisy.
Lessons Learned:
1. Hold your children so close that you squeeze them from natural sexual promiscuity and you raise a predator lying in the grass waiting to bite anything that passes by.
2. Encourage your daughters to be obedient to their masters, and they'll get the sordid fantasy of their dreams.
3. Get laid, people. It'll take the edge off.
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Embarrassment
And on the ninth day, she embarrassed herself. Terribly so. The real issue boils down to, not the instance as one may imagine, but how it's addressed by others. It's in their reaction that the true embarrassment lies. For example, (and no, this is not what happened), a man trips and falls in front of his peers. If they stoop to help him, he's much less embarrassed than if they simply stare and laugh. So, it's not as much the action as it is the reaction that causes the embarrassment. Simply a reinforcement that I'm the new girl and I don't belong.
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Ten Reasons Why a Book is Better Than a Man
1. A book can always be opened (and closed).
2. A book shares its details.
3. In a book, you can fast forward through the bad parts and re-read the good ones.
4. Books make you smarter. I don't think a comparison is needed.
5. You can take a book anywhere with you.
6. The leading man in a book always looks sexy, no matter the time of day.
7. A book relieves stress. Again, comparison not required.
8. A book always has a spine.
9. A book is timeless.
10. A book can never leave you.
Enjoy the chapters while they last, but don't linger too long as to miss out on the rest of the book!
2. A book shares its details.
3. In a book, you can fast forward through the bad parts and re-read the good ones.
4. Books make you smarter. I don't think a comparison is needed.
5. You can take a book anywhere with you.
6. The leading man in a book always looks sexy, no matter the time of day.
7. A book relieves stress. Again, comparison not required.
8. A book always has a spine.
9. A book is timeless.
10. A book can never leave you.
Enjoy the chapters while they last, but don't linger too long as to miss out on the rest of the book!
Monday, August 24, 2015
Adventure #45: Trampoline Park
On Sunday, Lizard and I took two of his nephews to a local trampoline park. Woah! I forgot that I'm not a teen cheerleader anymore and hurled myself every which way imaginable. Needless to say, I'm paying for it today. I've never been sore in these particular places before.
On a positive note, I got an amazing workout and can't wait to go back and do it all over again!
On a positive note, I got an amazing workout and can't wait to go back and do it all over again!
Adventure #44: Art Show
This past weekend was a myriad of fun and exciting new adventures! On Saturday night, Lizard and I enjoyed a local wine and art show. Though the art wasn't all that impressive, I certainly enjoyed the free samples of wine! Shh, keep your comments to yourself.
When Words Aren't Enough
Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation, rapidly spit-firing your way through a dialogue with another, and suddenly, within the blink of an eyelid, you're absolutely and incoherently speechless? I bemoan those moments as would a dog a cat, and I wish that I could go back and recreate the scenario in which said moment occurred, because in this moment, I am without speechlessness.
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Adventure #43: New Job
As I mentioned earlier this week, I've recently undergone a major transition in my life. I recently switched jobs and employers. Fourth day on the job, and I'm loving it. Ask me again in four years and I will tell you if I do still. Regardless, it will be a new adventure, and who doesn't love those?!
A Snarky Soul
I can't take credit for this incredibly interesting and alliterative title, but isn't it enticing? Perhaps deep down in the area near my soul that is precisely what I am - snarky and curt. And what exactly can be done about a snarky soul?
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Transitional
I've just recently made a huge transition in my life. And I'm still alive. And I'm loving it. Yeah, me.
Friday, August 14, 2015
Inspiration of the Day
A few of my facebook friends occasionally post inspirational quotes (as do I). This was one that recently came across my newsfeed, and it really resonated with me, probably because I don't do a good job AT ALL of putting myself in other people's shoes.
"What has a bigger impact on our lives than how we think/feel toward other people? And what greater opportunity to make a difference is there than how we treat each other in passing? Is there a faster way for "good" to accumulate? Another person is vast and unknowable. We decide, in an instant, which aspect of him we see (and shrink them to a point). It's involuntary. But if we work at it, we can cultivate and maintain an open, curious, and affectionate mind toward people; one that we can recognize and appreciate more of what's there. Respect."
"What has a bigger impact on our lives than how we think/feel toward other people? And what greater opportunity to make a difference is there than how we treat each other in passing? Is there a faster way for "good" to accumulate? Another person is vast and unknowable. We decide, in an instant, which aspect of him we see (and shrink them to a point). It's involuntary. But if we work at it, we can cultivate and maintain an open, curious, and affectionate mind toward people; one that we can recognize and appreciate more of what's there. Respect."
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Update: Childfree and Happy
I am excited to announce that I have started a new organization, community if you will, for women like me! These women are strong, independent, mostly in their 40s and 50s, and most importantly, they don't want children. Years ago, I posted about needing a social and support group, and I decided to stop complaining and start doing. Are you interested in joining me on this journey?
Saturday, July 25, 2015
Update: (Un)Happy Endings
Years ago I wrote a post about how my life could be summed up into a series of movie moments. Recently a colleague and good friend commented how my life is like a movie, and I couldn't help but think that in the movies, the tide always turns, the peanut butter always finds the jelly, and the guy always gets the girl (unless, of course, it's one of those artsy films, and who has time for those?!). My movie doesn't quite look like that, but then again, it's not at the end yet, is it?
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Soul's Compass
Regardless of the reciprocity of the feelings, he will always be my soul's compass. I wanted desperately, disgustingly so, to have something, really anything, with him, but it was never meant to be. I tried to make the most amazing weekend of my life into something it was never destined to be. I tried to make this incredible connection we shared online into something it was never destined to be.
And it broke me. I am broken. Still.
And it broke me. I am broken. Still.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Yet Another Child-Less Rearing Post
I LOVE this article! I will admit that I am quite enamored with Pope Francis' liberal tendencies resulting in a more inclusive flock of Catholics; yet, this is one issue where I, like the author, completely disagree with his archaic rhetoric. I just wish I knew more of these trend-setting women personally.
The article ends with my favorite quote of the piece: "The argument that lingers after having read the book is that the sooner having children is approached from a rational standpoint rather than an emotional one, the better for humanity, even if the result is that there are slightly fewer people left to enjoy it."
And because I could not possibly think of a better fitting song for this post, I have given you two versions of This Woman's Work, a musical masterpiece of intense emotion and desire.
Kate Bush
Maxwell
The article ends with my favorite quote of the piece: "The argument that lingers after having read the book is that the sooner having children is approached from a rational standpoint rather than an emotional one, the better for humanity, even if the result is that there are slightly fewer people left to enjoy it."
And because I could not possibly think of a better fitting song for this post, I have given you two versions of This Woman's Work, a musical masterpiece of intense emotion and desire.
Kate Bush
Maxwell
Bagging Groceries
Just a few posts back I wrote about shopping carts (or buggies as they were called in my childhood). Today's post is another expose on the deficiencies that exist in the world of supermarkets. I would gladly sell my instructional services in order to properly educate baggers on their one job duty: bagging. Simply stated, they don't know how to do it.
Want to really throw them for a loop? Ask them to only use the self-supplied reusable bags you brought with you to the store. [Insert Bart Simpson's famous look.] D'oh!
Want to really throw them for a loop? Ask them to only use the self-supplied reusable bags you brought with you to the store. [Insert Bart Simpson's famous look.] D'oh!
Adventure #42: Wine and Stars
This past weekend, the Lizard and I had our first double date! We enjoyed a nice evening of wine and stars (planets to be exact, as Saturn, Jupiter, and Venus were all on the lineup), and it was exceptionally sophisticated in a way that my vato and I are not. Of course, I loved every minute of it!
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
The Greener Grass
"The grass is not always greener on the other side." But how do you really know whether the grass is (or isn't) greener on the other side without giving it a chance? Without taking the opportunity? No one got anywhere great without taking a few chances in life, right? So, how do you know how green the grass is or could be, without setting foot on it first?
Buggies
The residents of the town where I grew up - small town America as you already know - call shopping carts 'buggies.' It was one of the first vocabulary words I corrected upon moving to the big city, along with my pronunciations of 'lights' and 'nights.'
Shopping carts are such helpful, resourceful inventions; yet, sub-par humans have also made them the bane of my existence. Nothing's worse than pulling into a parking spot at your local grocery store and coming head-to-head with a shopping cart. Seriously, how difficult is it to take TWO extra minutes of your day to put the shopping cart back where it belongs - either in the cart corral or back in the store? Seriously? Lazy people like you make me sick. The end.
Shopping carts are such helpful, resourceful inventions; yet, sub-par humans have also made them the bane of my existence. Nothing's worse than pulling into a parking spot at your local grocery store and coming head-to-head with a shopping cart. Seriously, how difficult is it to take TWO extra minutes of your day to put the shopping cart back where it belongs - either in the cart corral or back in the store? Seriously? Lazy people like you make me sick. The end.
Friday, May 8, 2015
I Remember
I remember the way you looked when talking about your family.
I remember the way your hands felt on my skin.
I remember the way you made me question everything I had ever believed and held dear.
I remember the way you moved when our bodies were entwined.
I remember the way it felt when I drove away from the airport, knowing I may never see you again.
But I don't remember your voice. Would I know it was you on the other end of the phone?
I don't remember your laugh. Was it as loud as your personality?
I don't remember the first time you told me you loved me.
Why? Why do I remember some of the best but not all of it?
I remember the way your hands felt on my skin.
I remember the way you made me question everything I had ever believed and held dear.
I remember the way you moved when our bodies were entwined.
I remember the way it felt when I drove away from the airport, knowing I may never see you again.
But I don't remember your voice. Would I know it was you on the other end of the phone?
I don't remember your laugh. Was it as loud as your personality?
I don't remember the first time you told me you loved me.
Why? Why do I remember some of the best but not all of it?
"What If" Analysis
We have a computer software program that we utilize at work that has this really amazing "What If" feature. Basically, you can put in some intended or unintended variables to see the resulting outcomes in that case. Fascinating.
Too bad we can't do that in real life, right? Then again, isn't that the fun of it?
Recently, Lizard told me that he wished I didn't worry/wonder about the "what ifs" so much. It was a very astute comment from the kid, but one that I'm not sure I can live up to. I've always aspired to be the best in everything I do, and pondering the "what ifs" are just an essential part of my chemical makeup. Yet again, I get his point. It's the contentedness factor that's missing when you're always analyzing the "what ifs." Maybe with our computer software program we should just let the marbles fall where they may and see what happens, rather than guess.
Too bad we can't do that in real life, right? Then again, isn't that the fun of it?
Recently, Lizard told me that he wished I didn't worry/wonder about the "what ifs" so much. It was a very astute comment from the kid, but one that I'm not sure I can live up to. I've always aspired to be the best in everything I do, and pondering the "what ifs" are just an essential part of my chemical makeup. Yet again, I get his point. It's the contentedness factor that's missing when you're always analyzing the "what ifs." Maybe with our computer software program we should just let the marbles fall where they may and see what happens, rather than guess.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Efficiency
My middle name should be 'efficiency.' We all have talents, and truly, that is one of mine. I think about it ALL the time. How could I make this more efficient? How can I be more efficient? How can I make others with there's more efficient?
Sounds awesome, right? Not really. Not when I have to sit through yet another meeting thinking about how I could make it run more efficiently. Not when I hurry up conversations to be more efficient. Not when I am bored at work because I'm too damn efficient and apparently make others look bad.
But I can't help it. I'm efficient.
Sounds awesome, right? Not really. Not when I have to sit through yet another meeting thinking about how I could make it run more efficiently. Not when I hurry up conversations to be more efficient. Not when I am bored at work because I'm too damn efficient and apparently make others look bad.
But I can't help it. I'm efficient.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Letters
This will come as no surprise to you, but I have sent a few letters to the editor, letters to the mayor, etc. in my time. Somewhat surprisingly, though, may be the fact that I have not sent as many as you may think. I often draft what I would like to say but don't actually send to the intended recipient(s). Something about therapeutic writing perhaps? Nonetheless, the ones that I do send may indicate a heightened sense of passion or concern about the transgression that has transpired. Or perhaps I simply felt like pressing the send button today.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Update: Purpose Unleashed
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Convergence of Cluster-F*cks
Do you ever have those days where you feel everything is a cluster-f*ck? That was my morning, now morphing into my day. Seriously, it was a convergence of cluster-f*cks.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Moments of Clarity
Oh, I miss him. I like really, really miss him. I miss him being home when I get home or coming in while I'm cooking dinner. I especially miss him when I wake up in the morning and the brutal truth slaps me in the face and then for kicks, punches me in the stomach, too. It's like, what I imagine anyway, drowning in an ocean to be like, where even though you're a decent swimmer, the waves are just too big and too mighty to continue fighting.
The break up.
But still, there are a few moments of clarity. Those fleeting moments where I know our differences are too much. Our personalities and interests in stark contrast; our desires opposite ends of the spectrum.
A once extremely close friend, now twice removed, commented to me that perhaps we were never meant to have a "forever life" together. And though it hurts so much now, I know that maybe she's right and I've always sort of known that we had an expiration date.
But, still, I miss him.
The break up.
But still, there are a few moments of clarity. Those fleeting moments where I know our differences are too much. Our personalities and interests in stark contrast; our desires opposite ends of the spectrum.
A once extremely close friend, now twice removed, commented to me that perhaps we were never meant to have a "forever life" together. And though it hurts so much now, I know that maybe she's right and I've always sort of known that we had an expiration date.
But, still, I miss him.
Monday, April 13, 2015
The Nice Guy
Breaking up with The Nice Guy is absolutely the hardest thing to do, especially if you're not wanting the break up in the first place, when you genuinely enjoy your time together, when you appreciate him for all of his niceties and then some.
But...
I messed up, and breaking up is the inevitability. I did something I can't take back even if I wanted to (which I don't because as much as it hurts us both, it's the truth). It just wasn't supposed to happen, not yet, and not like this.
I'm not perfect, but I wish he would try to understand why I said what I said, why I did what I did. But all he can see is the hurt and the pain and in his mind even, the hypocrisy and lies. It doesn't matter what I see; that's what he sees, and I can't take it back. And, to tell you the truth, I don't blame him. I just hope one day he can forgive me and know that I do love him, present tense.
Hurting the nice guy is really not cool. I should know.
But...
I messed up, and breaking up is the inevitability. I did something I can't take back even if I wanted to (which I don't because as much as it hurts us both, it's the truth). It just wasn't supposed to happen, not yet, and not like this.
I'm not perfect, but I wish he would try to understand why I said what I said, why I did what I did. But all he can see is the hurt and the pain and in his mind even, the hypocrisy and lies. It doesn't matter what I see; that's what he sees, and I can't take it back. And, to tell you the truth, I don't blame him. I just hope one day he can forgive me and know that I do love him, present tense.
Hurting the nice guy is really not cool. I should know.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Update: Shallow Secrets
Sometimes secrets aren't meant to be kept, whether intentionally or otherwise. Sometimes they're simply too big, too powerful, to be kept inside. The problem is that these are often secrets that have a lot of hurt in them, as well, and for that, I am profoundly sorry. But one thing I've learned, if I've learned anything at all, is that you can't change feelings. It's like trying to change the march of time - impossible.
Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
Say Something by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Kissing Whore
In my day, I was just that. A kissing whore. A highly-inclined, attention-seeking kissing whore. And I loved it.
Yesterday, Boricua posted on his facebook that a woman who kisses random men could never be a great woman. Who am I if not to challenge such a ridiculous accusation? He continues by saying that a woman who does that not only doesn't respect herself but shouldn't expect men to respect her.
Remember, this is the same man who tells me I am "more than enough...second to no one, and that [I] can go as far as [I] dream." How do I reconcile that interpretation of me with one where he also tells me, perhaps not directly but nonetheless, that I do not respect myself? How does kissing a man, a stranger or otherwise, indicate in any way that I do not have respect for myself nor believe a man should?
The bottom line. He doesn't know me. And he doesn't deserve to.
Yesterday, Boricua posted on his facebook that a woman who kisses random men could never be a great woman. Who am I if not to challenge such a ridiculous accusation? He continues by saying that a woman who does that not only doesn't respect herself but shouldn't expect men to respect her.
Remember, this is the same man who tells me I am "more than enough...second to no one, and that [I] can go as far as [I] dream." How do I reconcile that interpretation of me with one where he also tells me, perhaps not directly but nonetheless, that I do not respect myself? How does kissing a man, a stranger or otherwise, indicate in any way that I do not have respect for myself nor believe a man should?
The bottom line. He doesn't know me. And he doesn't deserve to.
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Adventure #41: Travel Tribulations
One thing I've learned in my travels is that things do not always go as planned. Who knew?! I mean, I set the itinerary, what could go wrong? LOL
The first potential snafu is flippant or obstinate weather. You can't predict the weather, of course, and you especially can't turn the tide, so to speak. And, as my mom says, "you are seeing the beautiful world as God created." So instead of a diving trip, I enjoyed an inland excursion that was just as wonderful and spectacular. I also got the unbelievable experience of watching a hurricane come ashore. Stunning!
The second possible trip piranhas are airlines. Miss one flight long enough and you miss your connection. Miss that flight altogether and you're booked on another and re-booked on yet another. Sigh. Make it to the country of your destination and the Customs line is so slow and long, you miss your domestic connection. Seriously, I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But...that's traveling, and I love it.
The first potential snafu is flippant or obstinate weather. You can't predict the weather, of course, and you especially can't turn the tide, so to speak. And, as my mom says, "you are seeing the beautiful world as God created." So instead of a diving trip, I enjoyed an inland excursion that was just as wonderful and spectacular. I also got the unbelievable experience of watching a hurricane come ashore. Stunning!
The second possible trip piranhas are airlines. Miss one flight long enough and you miss your connection. Miss that flight altogether and you're booked on another and re-booked on yet another. Sigh. Make it to the country of your destination and the Customs line is so slow and long, you miss your domestic connection. Seriously, I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But...that's traveling, and I love it.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Adventure #40: Bucket List Item #1
What is the #1 thing on your bucket list? What is the one thing at the top of your list that would be the pinnacle of bucket list items? What one thing could make you smile and cry simultaneously?
Well (and for anonymity purposes, I've chosen to keep my #1 bucket list item under wraps), I just checked off my #1 bucket list item. And, yes, I cried and laughed at the same time...and it was wonderful.
Well (and for anonymity purposes, I've chosen to keep my #1 bucket list item under wraps), I just checked off my #1 bucket list item. And, yes, I cried and laughed at the same time...and it was wonderful.
Life of Purpose
I've been thinking a lot lately - me, thinking? nah! Seriously, though, it's about all this life purpose BS. I recently returned from an extraordinary trip down under, where I had some time to reflect, truly reflect on who I am and what I want. Although I didn't discover the purpose of the universe while overlooking the deep, the trip was full of adventure firsts - posts to come! - as well as a few travel tribulations - more posts to come!
However, this particular pondering is once again related to my lack of a desire to have little bambinos. I've previously written about this topic, as you very well know: see here and here. While doing some research on this topic (aka googling), I discovered an article that I found to be so relative to conversations I myself have experienced with others.
#1 - "You'll change your mind when you get older." This is the funniest one to me because actually the opposite has occurred.
#2 - "You must hate kids." Yep, you got me. Never mind that some of my most joyous times, including my recent 12-day trip, have been spent with a 3-year-old.
#3 - "You're just selfish." This one just so happens to be true. When considering my bucket list of places to travel, hands down I'd rather spend $250,000 on hiking the Inca trail, touring a dormant volcano in Iceland, and boating around Bangkok.
#4 - "You'll have an oops one day." Um, it's 2015 - there's an app for that.
#5 - "So, what's your purpose?" Truth be told, I'm still trying to figure this one out. But, if you ask me, if being a parent is the ONLY purpose of your life, well, that makes me a little sad for you (rather than the other way around).
#6 - "Who'll take care of you when you're old?" This one just plain makes me sick.
And in case you need some help in finding your purpose, see graphic below. Notice that there's nothing mentioned regarding being a parent.
However, this particular pondering is once again related to my lack of a desire to have little bambinos. I've previously written about this topic, as you very well know: see here and here. While doing some research on this topic (aka googling), I discovered an article that I found to be so relative to conversations I myself have experienced with others.
#1 - "You'll change your mind when you get older." This is the funniest one to me because actually the opposite has occurred.
#2 - "You must hate kids." Yep, you got me. Never mind that some of my most joyous times, including my recent 12-day trip, have been spent with a 3-year-old.
#3 - "You're just selfish." This one just so happens to be true. When considering my bucket list of places to travel, hands down I'd rather spend $250,000 on hiking the Inca trail, touring a dormant volcano in Iceland, and boating around Bangkok.
#4 - "You'll have an oops one day." Um, it's 2015 - there's an app for that.
#5 - "So, what's your purpose?" Truth be told, I'm still trying to figure this one out. But, if you ask me, if being a parent is the ONLY purpose of your life, well, that makes me a little sad for you (rather than the other way around).
#6 - "Who'll take care of you when you're old?" This one just plain makes me sick.
And in case you need some help in finding your purpose, see graphic below. Notice that there's nothing mentioned regarding being a parent.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Me
I never take enough time. I never take enough time to listen. I never take enough time to listen to my thoughts. I never take enough time to listen to my thoughts about what I hear, what I read, what I feel.
"I am the only one who owns me. I am my own person. I decide how to react to and respond to people and circumstances around me. The truth is that I will be miserable when I choose to be miserable, and I will be happy when I choose to be happy."
"I am the only one who owns me. I am my own person. I decide how to react to and respond to people and circumstances around me. The truth is that I will be miserable when I choose to be miserable, and I will be happy when I choose to be happy."
Maps
Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs is another one of my favorite songs. I was reminded of this song after reading an inspiring article about the power of maps. "To unfold a map is to unfold adventure."
It got me thinking about why I started this blog in the first place and why I've continued posting, though obviously less frequently. Simply stated, I wanted a public space to document my adventures, but that intention has often resulted in more commentary about politics and other ideological notions rather than a reflection of this highly amazing, incredibly adventuresome life I planned to lead. "A folded map...exists to remind you that the world cannot be folded up. It's wonders are to be experienced and explored, not explained."
So...I am making a commitment to both you and I to get out there a little more, add a little more adventure to my life. Spice it up! "The best journeys are not the ones where you follow a blinking arrow but the ones where you throw a map into your bag and hope for the best."
It got me thinking about why I started this blog in the first place and why I've continued posting, though obviously less frequently. Simply stated, I wanted a public space to document my adventures, but that intention has often resulted in more commentary about politics and other ideological notions rather than a reflection of this highly amazing, incredibly adventuresome life I planned to lead. "A folded map...exists to remind you that the world cannot be folded up. It's wonders are to be experienced and explored, not explained."
So...I am making a commitment to both you and I to get out there a little more, add a little more adventure to my life. Spice it up! "The best journeys are not the ones where you follow a blinking arrow but the ones where you throw a map into your bag and hope for the best."
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Update: Convictions
My last post was a passionate piece, as many of my ramblings tend to be. I desperately wish that today's update from that reflection featured a changing tide in the hypocrisy, but alas, that would be too fantastical for such a time of realism. The truth is that people are just people. Some are 'better' than others, but at the end of it all, I cannot change them. I cannot make them better than they are. I can only hope, and I can only take responsibility for putting them on pedestals where they never should have been in the first place.
This post isn't about hope for them; it's more about hope for myself. Hope that my convictions will wield a changing tide for myself. We all have moments in our past where we know without a shadow of a doubt that our tide turned...for better or for worse. If I were to predict the future, though of course I cannot, I would know that this moment of time in my life will be one of those tide-turning occasions. It's waiting out the tide that can be so grueling, but there's undeniable hope for a better future on the other side.
This post isn't about hope for them; it's more about hope for myself. Hope that my convictions will wield a changing tide for myself. We all have moments in our past where we know without a shadow of a doubt that our tide turned...for better or for worse. If I were to predict the future, though of course I cannot, I would know that this moment of time in my life will be one of those tide-turning occasions. It's waiting out the tide that can be so grueling, but there's undeniable hope for a better future on the other side.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
#notayeswoman
If you knew me (though it's probably easy to guess from my posts), you would understand how vehemently I hate 'hashtag' anything. Twitter and all of its constituents can bite me. It's a pound sign. End of story.
Ok, not the end of the story. What's with today's topic title? It's simple and complex at the same time. Imagine that? Yet, it's the moral of my story for the moment.
I.Am.Not.A.Yes.Woman. I am a woman, yes, but a yes woman, I am not. I do not say yes because you ask me to. I do not say yes because you ask me not to. I do and will only say yes when I am convicted to do so.
I am appalled by your lack of integrity, but more importantly, I am reflectively disappointed in my own character flaws, predominantly the inability to have seen who you really are prior to now.
So, when someone asks me why my attitude is unwelcoming and unhelpful, don't be confused. It has nothing to with a lack of desire or will; it's simply that I can't say yes for the sake of saying yes. I'm not you, and thank God for that.
Ok, not the end of the story. What's with today's topic title? It's simple and complex at the same time. Imagine that? Yet, it's the moral of my story for the moment.
I.Am.Not.A.Yes.Woman. I am a woman, yes, but a yes woman, I am not. I do not say yes because you ask me to. I do not say yes because you ask me not to. I do and will only say yes when I am convicted to do so.
I am appalled by your lack of integrity, but more importantly, I am reflectively disappointed in my own character flaws, predominantly the inability to have seen who you really are prior to now.
So, when someone asks me why my attitude is unwelcoming and unhelpful, don't be confused. It has nothing to with a lack of desire or will; it's simply that I can't say yes for the sake of saying yes. I'm not you, and thank God for that.
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