And the third reason I have been MIA is a small amphibious creature I like to call Lizard. Plain and simple. I will not use the bf/gf labels for fear he may scurry away, but nevertheless, he has become an integral part of my daily life.
To be fair, this 'situation' has not come about without its hiccups, but what is truly worth having that didn't? Through all of it, I have grown tremendously in my awareness of his relationship inexperience; a not knowing, rather than a simply not doing. For every time I have pushed, he has pushed back. "I really like you...a lot." He's definitive in his feelings; no hesitation whatsoever in his voice. And he is passionate about it. And when I tell him that I know nothing's perfect, he promptly tells me that I am. And strangely enough, I think to him I just may be.
But is it too much to ask? Is it more than I deserve?
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Easy A
The second reason I have been MIA is my recent foray into some semi-serious social dancing. Social dancing obviously involves meeting a plethora of men, and I couldn't be more excited about this state of affairs. I only wish that I made friends as easily with females. It all comes back to a sense of being able to be myself, and that's just not something I feel I am able to do with women.
Easy A is the story of one woman's venture into social alienation because of her perceived lifestyle choices. A man's promiscuity is never called into question, but a woman's sexual prowess should remain in works of literature. Where did such a notion ever begin? And why do women look with such disdain upon those living lives that look different from their own? Or is it just my perception? Yet, strangely, I never feel that way with men. Hmm, could it be jealousy? Regardless, I love my life and all that it looks like.
Easy A is the story of one woman's venture into social alienation because of her perceived lifestyle choices. A man's promiscuity is never called into question, but a woman's sexual prowess should remain in works of literature. Where did such a notion ever begin? And why do women look with such disdain upon those living lives that look different from their own? Or is it just my perception? Yet, strangely, I never feel that way with men. Hmm, could it be jealousy? Regardless, I love my life and all that it looks like.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Adventure #32: Trek Across the Pond
I know that I've been MIA, and there are 3 significant reasons for that. The first one, and the subject of this post, is that I spent a large part of the month in the Mother Land. A friend from high school now lives there with his significant other, so I decided to bombard them in their new place.
And when abroad, live abroad...so that's exactly what I did. The experience was absolutely amazing and even included a bit of social dancing! However, as you already know, travelling makes me extremely contemplative. Something to do with the difficulties of being innately introverted, yet desiring connection and perhaps even intimacy. Travelling alone certainly has an air of independence and adventure, a divine flexibility and freedom, yet there are inevitably times when it is also lonely and secluded, a time when companionship is yearned for.
Travelling is one avenue that continues to present new ideas, thoughts, and perspectives, ever increasing my capacity for understanding my place in this big, beautiful world. So even in the challenging moments, I try to find the lesson, the take-away, the food for growth.
And when abroad, live abroad...so that's exactly what I did. The experience was absolutely amazing and even included a bit of social dancing! However, as you already know, travelling makes me extremely contemplative. Something to do with the difficulties of being innately introverted, yet desiring connection and perhaps even intimacy. Travelling alone certainly has an air of independence and adventure, a divine flexibility and freedom, yet there are inevitably times when it is also lonely and secluded, a time when companionship is yearned for.
Travelling is one avenue that continues to present new ideas, thoughts, and perspectives, ever increasing my capacity for understanding my place in this big, beautiful world. So even in the challenging moments, I try to find the lesson, the take-away, the food for growth.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Of Mice and Men
Some titles of my blog posts are boring; some are simply explanatory; others, like this one, are insanely clever (if I do say so myself!).
As for Lizard...there have been so many incredible moments together, and I always find myself wanting more with him - more of his time, more of his touch, more of his smile. The time between visits has become increasingly shorter, rather than longer. The moments of tenderness have become more frequent, rather than less. The passion has erupted, rather than waned. The laughs have multiplied, rather than subsided.
He is patient with my insecurities and more forthcoming with his fears. Instead of balking at my acknowledgment of wanting a boyfriend, he only compliments me on my honesty and admires that I am so sure of what I want. And when I say that I know he likes me but I'm not sure he likes me enough, he says he does...like me enough, that is. Though it goes against every cell in my body (see my reflection), I am relishing in the most important lesson my Caribbean boyfriend taught me - to appreciate every moment of every day - for our dancing, well our dancing is exceptionally beautiful and intimate in a way I am only now learning how to experience.
We'll start with the mice (since it's first in the phrase, of course). Apparently, I had a new friend living with me, an uninvited one, of course, seeing as I am not fond of roommates in any shape or form. How do I know this lovely state of affairs? A Valentine's Day cookie, no less. For several nights, more and more of my rather large cookie was devoured by said creature, and I was completely disgusted. At least I didn't do the jiggy dance that Lizard did when I pointed it out to him. Thank goodness the exterminator finally came to put out some poison to rid my beautiful little apartment of these repulsive rodents. Not in time to save the cookie, though, I'm afraid.
And I do so believe you are LONG overdue for an update on the other animals in my life. Following the fourth date with the teacher, I have not heard hide nor hare (ok, ok, work with me here - this is FUN!) from him. And, truthfully, though I do indeed miss the intellectual conversation and insight, I can't say I'm altogether saddened by it.
And I do so believe you are LONG overdue for an update on the other animals in my life. Following the fourth date with the teacher, I have not heard hide nor hare (ok, ok, work with me here - this is FUN!) from him. And, truthfully, though I do indeed miss the intellectual conversation and insight, I can't say I'm altogether saddened by it.
As for Lizard...there have been so many incredible moments together, and I always find myself wanting more with him - more of his time, more of his touch, more of his smile. The time between visits has become increasingly shorter, rather than longer. The moments of tenderness have become more frequent, rather than less. The passion has erupted, rather than waned. The laughs have multiplied, rather than subsided.
He is patient with my insecurities and more forthcoming with his fears. Instead of balking at my acknowledgment of wanting a boyfriend, he only compliments me on my honesty and admires that I am so sure of what I want. And when I say that I know he likes me but I'm not sure he likes me enough, he says he does...like me enough, that is. Though it goes against every cell in my body (see my reflection), I am relishing in the most important lesson my Caribbean boyfriend taught me - to appreciate every moment of every day - for our dancing, well our dancing is exceptionally beautiful and intimate in a way I am only now learning how to experience.
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