Do you believe in soulmates? I most certainly do. However, I don't believe that there is only ONE person in the ENTIRE world that is someone's soulmate. I personally believe that I have and have had several. It's someone that you meet and immediately have an unmistakable connection, something so intense that it's hard to explain in words, but when you're together it just makes perfect sense. I also don't believe that a soulmate is necessarily, though it can be, someone that you have an intimate relationship with. I have even had female soulmates (and yes, I am heterosexual), and I also think that soulmates are like any other relationship - sometimes just for a reason, sometimes a season, and only on rare occasion, for a lifetime.
I met a man through work many years ago now that recently sent me a message. He said that though the years come and go, our short moments together "linger and matter." My response to him was that he was able to sum up something in 2 sentences that would have taken me years to express in the same profound way. Times spent with him are filled with unbelievable laughs, unparalleled conversation, and unwavering simplicity amid the complexities of life and external relationships. Now, that's what I call a soulmate - someone who can erase the troubles of your life, at least for a moment in time anyway.
The truth is that I don't believe it's physically possible for a spouse to encompass everything that you desire and need. It's important to have other relationships in your life to help fill in the gaps and to be understanding of your partner's need to have the same fulfillment in other areas of his/her life. The key is determining what is essential for you to have in a spouse, and that is entirely unique. For example, at one time I thought that it might be possible for me to marry someone that couldn't dance well. It may seem like an entirely minute detail to you, but I've recently discovered that it is absolutely necessary that my significant other not only now how, but be very adept at the dance floor. I can't imagine myself seriously with anyone that doesn't enjoy dancing with me, which brings me to my next soulmate...
Over the summer, I decided to do something I had never done before - travel alone outside the country, and I had the most amazing experience. I chose a country that is native English speaking for my first trip, and I was only gone for an extended weekend. But what I came back with was truly irreplaceable - a more defined sense of purpose, a rekindling of the passion that is innate to my spirit, and a soulmate.
My Caribbean friend - well, we met on the dance floor, kind of. LOL He's certainly not the first man I've met while dancing, nor will he be the last. We spent all of 8 hours together maybe, but it was (and wasn't) enough for a lifetime. Sometimes you can have a connection with someone from across the room and be pulled in that direction for unexplainable reasons, and sometimes you simply sit down next to him/her because it's the last available seat in the room. Regardless of the reason, you are changed in drastic ways forever. And isn't that what life is all about?!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Background and "Qualifications"
You might be wondering why I decided to start this public blog, and what exactly do I have to say about anything? Probably nothing, but maybe I'll have some fun while doing it and even possibly get a few laughs from you at the same time. :)
I am a 30+ single woman who, believe it or not, is not devastated that I'm still single and without child, and yes, I did indeed have a friend of a friend say that to me recently. I chose not to marry probably the most amazing man I will ever meet because I knew he was not the man for me and I not the woman for him. A year later I've decided to share my story with...well, the world!
Growing up in the South, I lived on 3 principles: 1) College is not for obtaining your B.S. or any other nonsense, but rather your MRS. 2) If you're not married by 25, you're a spinster. Yeah, not much has changed since the days of Scarlett O'Hara. and 3) Life is not complete until you're a mother. Well, I'm not so sold that life has to stop if you only have 1, 2, or none of the above. In actuality, I can't tell you how many people say to me, on at least a weekly basis, that they live vicariously through me, wishing they could jump on a plane on a random weekend and head to the Caribbean, meet friends up at 10pm at night for a drink or two, or take a nap on the weekend whenever the fancy strikes.
Of course, some say that I'm just bitter and trying to justify my singledom. As with most things, there are two sides to every story. Of the few things I know in the world, I do know that I want to get married...one day. I have many friends with terrific marriages, and I hope to join that group at some point. However, I also know that I'm not going to spend my life at the present moment agonizing over not having a boyfriend or husband. Want to join me?
I am a 30+ single woman who, believe it or not, is not devastated that I'm still single and without child, and yes, I did indeed have a friend of a friend say that to me recently. I chose not to marry probably the most amazing man I will ever meet because I knew he was not the man for me and I not the woman for him. A year later I've decided to share my story with...well, the world!
Growing up in the South, I lived on 3 principles: 1) College is not for obtaining your B.S. or any other nonsense, but rather your MRS. 2) If you're not married by 25, you're a spinster. Yeah, not much has changed since the days of Scarlett O'Hara. and 3) Life is not complete until you're a mother. Well, I'm not so sold that life has to stop if you only have 1, 2, or none of the above. In actuality, I can't tell you how many people say to me, on at least a weekly basis, that they live vicariously through me, wishing they could jump on a plane on a random weekend and head to the Caribbean, meet friends up at 10pm at night for a drink or two, or take a nap on the weekend whenever the fancy strikes.
Of course, some say that I'm just bitter and trying to justify my singledom. As with most things, there are two sides to every story. Of the few things I know in the world, I do know that I want to get married...one day. I have many friends with terrific marriages, and I hope to join that group at some point. However, I also know that I'm not going to spend my life at the present moment agonizing over not having a boyfriend or husband. Want to join me?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Say What You Need to Say
I can tell you my entire life story through song...seriously. In high school, it was Meatloaf - unparalleled idealism performed in comedic fashion and over-the-top drama. In college, I was in LOVE with Sarah McLachlan - forlorn, melancholy, heart-wrenching loss of love, etc., etc. Picture it, don't you?
John Mayer's Say What You Need to Say is always a powerful one for me. Typically, it's a reminder to tell your loved ones how you feel because you never know when you may no longer get the opportunity, but recently it's taken on a new connotation for me. I've often held back because, well I'm Southern, and we just don't do that. But just today I was reading my Southern Living magazine (I'm not sure why I have a subscription as I don't garden, home decorate, or cook AT ALL, but I'm hoping it has something to do with the food and travel articles??) and there was an interview with the country music singer Miranda Lambert. The writer asked her "What makes a Southern girl?" and her response was "She is sweet and hospitable but also confident and strong. A Southern girl isn't a pushover and will kick your $%! if needed." Precisely! So, with that in mind, I've recently changed my strategy in some situations.
One prime example is the break-up with my good friend. I had allowed many situations and discussions to go unfettered with little to no response from yours truly, but my new attitude is that no one is going to take care of me but me and I deserve to have my side heard as well. Now, in no way does that mean that I think it's ok to be intentionally hurtful or callous; I'm just no longer going to be sweet and unassuming to the point that I am being bullied, you know? I still think there is a time and a place for everything, and at no point is it ok to "air dirty laundry in public" or other such nonsense. I also think jumping on every battle is going to lose the war, but continuously letting sleeping dogs lie only serves to fuel the flame. Ok, enough with the colloquialisms...you get the picture.
I also had another situation spring up this morning. I dated a man this past year, and he was everything that my ex was not, some good and some not so good. For every intensely passionate moment shared, there was probably an equally passionate moment of anger and hurt that I rarely chose to share with him. Why? Well, a lot of reasons - I loved him in a way different from any other man, I knew he had a difficult life, and I wanted to be the one thing in his life that wasn't filled with pain and turmoil. But in that scenario, there is no one taking care of me. My needs, my feelings, my desires more often than not went unfulfilled and even unacknowledged. It's been 6 months since we were together, and all of that emotion bubbled over today. I've never felt more...light. Perhaps it was harsh. Perhaps it was too much, but it was time that he knew at least a bit of what I felt for months. I don't know if our story is over, but for the moment, I am closer to peace.
With my Caribbean friend, the song takes on yet another meaning for me. I'll go into the details of our story in another blog one day, but for now, suffice it to say that meeting him has even more encouraged me to not hold back my feelings for someone, to not be afraid to love or share that with its intended, because all they can do is not love you back, right? And though that hurts, hurts like hell sometimes, wouldn't it be worse to never know that they really loved you back?
Finally, the song's implicated meaning in my opinion - my father passed away in 2003. We were not close as adults, and for all intents and purposes, I hated him. Yet, there are things now that I do wish I had had the courage to say to him, the understanding to recognize his weaknesses, and the ability to distinguish that from my hate toward him.
So, perhaps sometimes it may very well be better to say too much than to not say anything at all...
John Mayer's Say What You Need to Say is always a powerful one for me. Typically, it's a reminder to tell your loved ones how you feel because you never know when you may no longer get the opportunity, but recently it's taken on a new connotation for me. I've often held back because, well I'm Southern, and we just don't do that. But just today I was reading my Southern Living magazine (I'm not sure why I have a subscription as I don't garden, home decorate, or cook AT ALL, but I'm hoping it has something to do with the food and travel articles??) and there was an interview with the country music singer Miranda Lambert. The writer asked her "What makes a Southern girl?" and her response was "She is sweet and hospitable but also confident and strong. A Southern girl isn't a pushover and will kick your $%! if needed." Precisely! So, with that in mind, I've recently changed my strategy in some situations.
One prime example is the break-up with my good friend. I had allowed many situations and discussions to go unfettered with little to no response from yours truly, but my new attitude is that no one is going to take care of me but me and I deserve to have my side heard as well. Now, in no way does that mean that I think it's ok to be intentionally hurtful or callous; I'm just no longer going to be sweet and unassuming to the point that I am being bullied, you know? I still think there is a time and a place for everything, and at no point is it ok to "air dirty laundry in public" or other such nonsense. I also think jumping on every battle is going to lose the war, but continuously letting sleeping dogs lie only serves to fuel the flame. Ok, enough with the colloquialisms...you get the picture.
I also had another situation spring up this morning. I dated a man this past year, and he was everything that my ex was not, some good and some not so good. For every intensely passionate moment shared, there was probably an equally passionate moment of anger and hurt that I rarely chose to share with him. Why? Well, a lot of reasons - I loved him in a way different from any other man, I knew he had a difficult life, and I wanted to be the one thing in his life that wasn't filled with pain and turmoil. But in that scenario, there is no one taking care of me. My needs, my feelings, my desires more often than not went unfulfilled and even unacknowledged. It's been 6 months since we were together, and all of that emotion bubbled over today. I've never felt more...light. Perhaps it was harsh. Perhaps it was too much, but it was time that he knew at least a bit of what I felt for months. I don't know if our story is over, but for the moment, I am closer to peace.
With my Caribbean friend, the song takes on yet another meaning for me. I'll go into the details of our story in another blog one day, but for now, suffice it to say that meeting him has even more encouraged me to not hold back my feelings for someone, to not be afraid to love or share that with its intended, because all they can do is not love you back, right? And though that hurts, hurts like hell sometimes, wouldn't it be worse to never know that they really loved you back?
Finally, the song's implicated meaning in my opinion - my father passed away in 2003. We were not close as adults, and for all intents and purposes, I hated him. Yet, there are things now that I do wish I had had the courage to say to him, the understanding to recognize his weaknesses, and the ability to distinguish that from my hate toward him.
So, perhaps sometimes it may very well be better to say too much than to not say anything at all...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Adventure #2: Murder Mystery Dinner Theater
Decided to try another new activity that I've wanted to explore for years - Murder Mystery Dinner Theater. Wow! This turned out to be such a blast. Never mind I was the only person there without a friend or two, I still managed to have a frightfully good time, and once again was reminded that a partner is not required in order to have fun!
The setting: Homey Italian Restaurant near a major university
The players: 4 middle-aged female friends, 1 with her mother, and 1 with her male companion; 2 20-something couples dressed to the nines; and me!
The theme: Prohibition-era Chicago, mafia-esque
As this was my first experience with dinner theater, I was unsure of the "rules" of the game, but it quickly became apparent that 1) I could make up really anything I wanted to about my character, 2) I didn't know everything about my character at the same time that others did, and 3) staying "in character" is a true testament of acting talent, of which I have none. Nonetheless, lots of laugh ensued, and I'm excited about my next adventure to come. Any suggestions?
The setting: Homey Italian Restaurant near a major university
The players: 4 middle-aged female friends, 1 with her mother, and 1 with her male companion; 2 20-something couples dressed to the nines; and me!
The theme: Prohibition-era Chicago, mafia-esque
As this was my first experience with dinner theater, I was unsure of the "rules" of the game, but it quickly became apparent that 1) I could make up really anything I wanted to about my character, 2) I didn't know everything about my character at the same time that others did, and 3) staying "in character" is a true testament of acting talent, of which I have none. Nonetheless, lots of laugh ensued, and I'm excited about my next adventure to come. Any suggestions?
When Bad Things Happen to Good People
I had a hit to the stomach yesterday. I am currently single, but I obviously haven't always been so. I was in a wonderful relationship with a terrific man for over 4 years. He truly is the most compassionate, attentive, and supportive partner I've ever had, but for us, there was still something missing. It was a very difficult, but necessary, ending.
As life goes on, I was informed by a mutual friend that he has a girlfriend, and apparently a pretty serious one. My genuine thought is that I'm happy for him. Nevertheless, I'm human, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of "what's wrong with me?" It's a recurring theme for my life, and though I often remember how smart, funny, and moderately attractive I am, sometimes I'm still overwhelmed with a sense of grief - grief over the end of such a wonderful time in my life, grief over not having someone to share my days with, and grief over being so easily "replaceable." I know it's not quite so simple in my head, but my heart is a difficult force to reckon with.
So, why do bad things happen to good people? [What are good people anyway? Maybe that'll be another blog...] Why do some people seem to have all the "luck" and others have difficulty with the most mundane of situations? Some say that there are no "bad" things that happen, just lessons that must be learned. A friend is always telling me that life is just meant to be lived, whatever may be will be, and there's no good in worrying about it or trying to rationalize it. (This friend also lives on an island in the Caribbean, where his days and nights are filled with sand, blue water, and the most amazing of sea breezes. More about him is sure to come...) Why do some people find their "soulmate," which will surely be yet another blog topic, early in life and others of us are constantly looking under every nook and cranny? (Ok, truly, that sounds WAY desperate than I really am...seriously.) You understand the sentiment, though, right?
So, for now, I am again looking for the incline out of the valley onto another mountain, and trying desperately to remember that all the growth and maturation occur during the difficult times and "this too shall pass."
As life goes on, I was informed by a mutual friend that he has a girlfriend, and apparently a pretty serious one. My genuine thought is that I'm happy for him. Nevertheless, I'm human, and I was overwhelmed with a sense of "what's wrong with me?" It's a recurring theme for my life, and though I often remember how smart, funny, and moderately attractive I am, sometimes I'm still overwhelmed with a sense of grief - grief over the end of such a wonderful time in my life, grief over not having someone to share my days with, and grief over being so easily "replaceable." I know it's not quite so simple in my head, but my heart is a difficult force to reckon with.
So, why do bad things happen to good people? [What are good people anyway? Maybe that'll be another blog...] Why do some people seem to have all the "luck" and others have difficulty with the most mundane of situations? Some say that there are no "bad" things that happen, just lessons that must be learned. A friend is always telling me that life is just meant to be lived, whatever may be will be, and there's no good in worrying about it or trying to rationalize it. (This friend also lives on an island in the Caribbean, where his days and nights are filled with sand, blue water, and the most amazing of sea breezes. More about him is sure to come...) Why do some people find their "soulmate," which will surely be yet another blog topic, early in life and others of us are constantly looking under every nook and cranny? (Ok, truly, that sounds WAY desperate than I really am...seriously.) You understand the sentiment, though, right?
So, for now, I am again looking for the incline out of the valley onto another mountain, and trying desperately to remember that all the growth and maturation occur during the difficult times and "this too shall pass."
Monday, October 24, 2011
Evolving Friendships
Today's topic is about something that, in my opinion, sometimes affects single women more than married women. Feel free to disagree, but because we are not intimately involved with someone, we often tend to spend more time with our female compatriots, thereby creating more complex relationships. Things that married women rely on their husbands for is often fulfilled by close friends for singles. This sometimes becomes problematic...
The context of this post is in reference to the recent deterioration of a very close personal friendship, and ultimately, the "break up" of the relationship. Like intimate relationships, sometimes actions, situations, and life changes necessitate the need for a "break up." At my age, I know myself well enough to know that 1) I have very high expectations for behavior, 2) I require finality, and 3) whether I like it or not, everyone doesn't like me nor do they have to. I have been called unforgiving on more than one occasion, but I would beg to differ that it's not unforgiving when you have forgiven the same action or situation time and time again in the past and simply don't want to do it anymore. Also, in my world, some things are simply unforgivable, and perhaps more importantly, so drastically change your view of that person that your friendship can never be the same.
Interestingly, Alexis Stewart, the daughter of Martha Stewart, was talking about this very thing on the Today Show this morning. The media has painted her as icy and cold, and her interactions with her former friend and the co-author of her book as uncomfortable. Perhaps my alternate perspective comes from simply identifying with her. Just some food for thought - would you stay with a boyfriend/husband who did not treat you as you wished to be treated? If the answer is no, why would you treat a "friend" differently? I think people change and relationships change. Both women were professional and cordial in the interview; what else does there need to be?
The context of this post is in reference to the recent deterioration of a very close personal friendship, and ultimately, the "break up" of the relationship. Like intimate relationships, sometimes actions, situations, and life changes necessitate the need for a "break up." At my age, I know myself well enough to know that 1) I have very high expectations for behavior, 2) I require finality, and 3) whether I like it or not, everyone doesn't like me nor do they have to. I have been called unforgiving on more than one occasion, but I would beg to differ that it's not unforgiving when you have forgiven the same action or situation time and time again in the past and simply don't want to do it anymore. Also, in my world, some things are simply unforgivable, and perhaps more importantly, so drastically change your view of that person that your friendship can never be the same.
Interestingly, Alexis Stewart, the daughter of Martha Stewart, was talking about this very thing on the Today Show this morning. The media has painted her as icy and cold, and her interactions with her former friend and the co-author of her book as uncomfortable. Perhaps my alternate perspective comes from simply identifying with her. Just some food for thought - would you stay with a boyfriend/husband who did not treat you as you wished to be treated? If the answer is no, why would you treat a "friend" differently? I think people change and relationships change. Both women were professional and cordial in the interview; what else does there need to be?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Adventure #1: Wakeboarding
My first adventure for this new project was joining a friend for the exciting sport of wakeboarding. Now, I must admit that this was actually my second crack at it, and much like the first, I had no problem getting up and staying up, just can't seem to steer or make turns at all! LOL The highlight of the day, though, was watching my friend during her first wakeboarding experience. Some of us are gifted in the arts, some of us are gifted in communication, but my friend is gifted in all things sport. She's a natural athlete with a killer body, and she has yet to meet an activity that she couldn't conquer. It's rather intimidating, if I'm honest, but she's such a kind heart that you can't hate her for it. Check for accomplishing "new" adventure #1.
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