Anchors Away

I am scared...I am scared that I won't get everything I want in life, but really, who does? Don't we all have to make concessions? Choices? Decisions? Why would my life be any different? Any different from others who have lives of compromise? My fairytale dreams are no better than anyone else's...

But I dream of a place where I am me, where I am only me, and a man with strong arms and an even stronger heart can wrap me inside himself and love me with reckless abandon. But I am scared...

I am scared that we will have changed, that my island of beauty will no longer be. I long for his sense of assuredness, but no matter my uneasiness, he is always steadfast in his love, in his belief of 'us.' He may be the one who lives on an island in the middle of the ocean, but I am the one who feels lost at sea and he is the anchor holding me in place.

Last year, I posted a blog about a relationship in my life that had come to an end. I recall one of the most hurtful comments made in that final argument was that he didn't see how anyone could love me knowing everything about me. More specifically, how could I have such strong feelings about so many men and expect someone to see past that, beyond my past?

Well, my Caribbean boyfriend does; he loves me, despite my inadequacies, my insecurities, my imperfections. His frustration lies solely in my inability to believe him - to believe that he loves me unconditionally. I mean, how could someone, knowing I'm broken? Well, that's the beautiful thing about love, isn't it? It doesn't see or feel any of that. So, to that former friend of mine, I am counting down the days until I return, both physically and emotionally, to the place where I am me, where I am only me...and he only sees the goodness in my heart.

Until then, I will be left to my dreams of paradise...