Double Standards

One of the topics that has been at the forefront of my hamster wheels lately is that of double standards. We all judge people, whether intentionally or otherwise - someone's hairstyle, someone's choice of profession, or sometimes someone's personality difference or even skin color. Now, I'm not saying I'm a saint or an angel, certainly not. I'm more or less simply pointing out a common human flaw that has been rearing its ugly head in my life quite frequently recently but simultaneously showing me how much I've grown in my own personal conflicts and social constraints.

It's difficult to explain my feelings on this subject without disclosing a rather personal story, but I suppose that is what blogging is for, right? Over the summer, I became acquaintances with someone through a close friend of mine. As I got to know her more, I discovered that I really liked her - I found her to be unique, exciting, and full of adventure. Sometimes those adventures, however, included experiences that were not always familiar to me, much less things that I was personally comfortable with. I would like to say that I didn't judge her by her past, but I'm sure on many levels I assumed certain things because of some of her prior experiences. It also caused me to misjudge (pun intended) her feelings on certain things. As a result, I failed to see that she had feelings for a mutual male friend of ours, and I proceeded to kiss him one night in front of her.

I know - shame on me. Interestingly, due to my naivete about the entire situation, I didn't even realize I had done something "wrong." Why was it ok for her to have an "escapade" with this man but not ok for me to kiss him? I know what you're thinking...because she was your friend and you don't date other friend's exes. Even if I completely agreed with that statement, which I'm not sure I do (wow, I'm getting rather illicit now), he wasn't an ex. A one-night fling does not constitute an ex in my book, and furthermore, both of us were single at the time, something the girl in question was not.

Had I the situation to do over again, I'm not sure if I would handle it in the same way or not, quite frankly. I am not apologetic for having kissed him; I am truly sorry for causing her hurt or pain, though. In the end, the friendship was over, and it became a huge rift in the relationship that I had with my close friend, a fact that I also never really understood given her own deviant behavior at times.

Promiscuity. Yeah, I said it. What's wrong with it? It's ok for men; why not women? Why are we judged differently simply because of our gender? This topic has always been a source of consternation for me. Women have fought so diligently for hundreds of years to be treated as equals, and yet in this area, apparently we are satisfied with status quo. Disgusting!

I may be Southern - sweet and charming, of course, but I also have some fairly liberal ideas about sexuality in general (despite the example referenced above). In the argument that I recently had with a former soulmate, he alluded to this gender bias by referencing my dating history in a very antagonizing way, a comment that was altogether hurtful and unfounded. The only positive outcome of his comment was my response, of which I am particularly proud. :)

Finally, I have recently been thinking about social constructs, a concept I've learned from a friend who is somewhat of an educational expert in the area. As we all know, our thoughts, ideas, and opinions on most everything are infinitely determined and shaped by our parents, families, and communities, and even when we want to feel differently about a issue, it may be difficult to do so. In the past few weeks, I have confronted this dilemma head-on, and I have sufficiently surprised myself with my open-mindedness and genuine authenticity to see and feel contrary to my upbringing. It's almost as though someone has literally removed the translucent veil covering my eyes, and for the first time, I'm seeing the world as was intended. (Maybe too lofty, but my point is very poignant here.) I hope that everyone has that moment at some point in their lives, whether sooner or later.

Also wanted to let you know that I heard from the man who keeps me up at night recently - an actual phone call, the first since I saw him last. And, yes, I was ok during the call and after the call...just in case you were wondering.