Hot Ice Cream

Hot ice cream. Does a thing even exist? And if it does, where might I find it, because it's truly the holy grail in my book?

My ex used to say that about me - that I like hot ice cream; I want things both ways, every way possible. I have never considered myself an indecisive person, and most who know me would probably agree; however, maybe what's easy about the decision for me is that I want both and will do with no less. In some parts of my life, perhaps, I've been aptly rewarded or maybe just plain lucky, but whatever the reason, I've gotten everything and more than I've needed or wanted. In love, though, I will do with no less than hot ice cream - someone I can love passionately and desperately for the rest of my life, while all the while being able to spend daily moments in perfect silence or pulling out my hair with someone I know loves me regardless and even more so because it's me, all of me. Why even must I consider having to compromise some part of my intensely complicated self? Or maybe, just maybe, as my Caribbean friend believes, it's not that I'm inherently complicated, but rather simply complex in all the ways perfect for just someone.

The same philosophy translates into my non-intimate relationships. I'm riding a fence currently in regard to some friendships that I've had for the past few years. The relationships are no longer the same, and though I no longer desire to make amends, I still want the feelings associated with those women to continue. I need to decide whether I want my ice cream to be cold or have none at all...

And because he still keeps me up at night and wakes me up in the morning, here's my song for the day: Bloodstream by Stateless.